Wedding Guests: Wedding Guest Attire Cheat Sheet

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Has a wedding invite ever left you clueless about what to wear? Don't be baffled -- the info you need is likely there. You just have to know how to interpret the invite wording. Here's your cheat sheet for what to wear.

The invite says: "White Tie"
This is the most formal of all wedding dress codes (think state dinners and the Oscars).
He should wear: A tuxedo, a long black jacket with tails, a white pique vest, and a bow tie. Black, formal shoes and even white gloves for dancing are appropriate.
She should wear: A formal, full-length ball gown in a neutral color like dark brown or black. Glamorous makeup and dramatic jewelry and hair are appropriate.

The invite says: "Black Tie"
This is the next most formal wedding dress code and usually means the wedding is an evening affair.
He should wear: A tuxedo. A black bow tie, cummerbund, and patent leather shoes are also suggested.
She should wear: A chic cocktail dress or a long evening gown in a dark, neutral color like brown or black. The bride, wedding party, or friends can help answer questions about the appropriate dress length.

The invite says: "Formal" or "Black Tie Optional"
The wording here suggests something slightly less formal than black tie. This means that a tuxedo isn't required but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate.
He should wear: A tuxedo or a formal dark suit and tie.
She should wear: A long dress, a dressy suit, or a formal cocktail-length dress in a dark, neutral tone like brown, gray, or black.

The invite says: "Beach Formal"
This suggests an elegant beach wedding -- so dress to impress, but also dress for the elements (sun, sand, and water). Anything you'd wear to a nice restaurant on a summer day is appropriate.
He should wear: A summer suit with a linen shirt (no ties required), linen pants or khakis, and sandals.
She should wear: A formal summer sundress at tea- or knee-length with flat sandals. Makeup and hair can be natural and everyday.

The invite says: "Semiformal" or "Dressy Casual"
Depending on the time of the event, you'll want to dress somewhere between formal and casual. Wear darker, more formal hues for an evening fete; opt for light colors and fabrics for a daytime wedding.
He should wear: A suit and tie, dark or light depending on the season and time of day.
She should wear: A cocktail dress or a dressy skirt and top.

The invite says: "Casual"
Generally, casual means anything goes. That said, jeans, shorts, and tank tops are probably not appropriate unless they're specifically noted as acceptable. For the purposes of wedding wear, assume business casual to be on the safe side.
He should wear: Dress pants with a button-down shirt or polo.
She should wear: A summer sundress or a skirt or pants with a nice blouse. Makeup and hair can be natural and everyday.

Wedding Guests: Toasting Techniques for Guests

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You're so excited to witness the union of these two fabulous people that you've just got to gush a little. And you're entitled to -- just make sure you're doing it at the right time, and in the right way. Check out these tips for making your toast a memorable moment.

Pick the Right Party
Wedding day toasts are usually reserved for the key players in the bridal party -- best man, maid of honor, parents, the happy couple themselves, and an occasional grandparent or two. Unless you fall into one of these categories, it's best not to step on anyone else's toes at the reception. A better time for you to publicly share your well wishes may be at the less formal rehearsal dinner or postwedding brunch. Even then, make sure to vibe it out, first. Allow another guest (not affiliated with the wedding party) to raise his glass in praise before you do. If it's clear that anyone can chime in, feel free to jump in too.

Keep it on the Short Side
It's possible that you won't be the only guest wanting to toast the bride and groom, so don't hog the mike! Two to three minutes is plenty of time to get your heartfelt wishes across.

Don't Read Your Toast
While it's smart to think about what you're going to say beforehand, try not to memorize your speech -- you still want it to come off as spontaneous. If you're worried about freezing in front of a crowd, by all means bring a few note cards with you.

Play to Your Crowd
If the room is filled with people who are ready to party, a serious soliloquy is probably going to bore them. On the other hand, a buttoned-up crowd might not appreciate that stand-up routine you wrote about the week you and the groom spent in Cancun.

Start Off Simple
First, introduce yourself since it's probable many guests haven't met you yet. Of course, you'll want to explain how you've come to know the couple (for example, “I first met Mike at college during freshman orientation.”), but be sure to make the toast about both the bride and groom. (Resist the urge to catalog the things you've been up to since then.)

Make it Fun
Include random and funny anecdotes of times you've spent with the couple, particularly any memories you have from when your friend first introduced you to her significant other. Take it easy with inside jokes -- one or two is fine, but you don't want the other guests to feel left out.

Keep it Clean
A good rule of thumb: Stay away from anything -- bad language, drunken anecdotes -- that you'd hesitate saying directly to the bride's grandmother's face.

Nix the Ex Reference
We can't say this enough: do not -- no matter how funny you think the story might be -- bring up a bride or groom's ex during the toast. It's sure to make at least one person uncomfortable and that's not the point of the toast, right?

End on a High Note
No matter what you choose to say, just remember to add an "I'm so happy for you two. I love you guys. Cheers!" at the end.

Wedding Guests: Guests Behaving Badly

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A wedding -- where emotions (and alcohol) flow freely -- can bring out less than stellar behavior in otherwise perfectly pleasant friends and family. After talking to countless brides and grooms, we've cataloged some of the worst. Want to be a gracious guest? Don't do anything you read below!
*Names changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty)

Rude RSVPs
"I had guests who did not like the dinner choices -- they wrote on their response card that they wanted a meal that followed their macrobiotic diet. When my mother-in-law told them this wasn't possible, they phoned the reception hall to ask them!"
-- Anne, Livingston, NJ

"A close friend of my husband's mother has a very small dog, and a few weeks before the wedding she informed my hubby's mom that she was planning to bring the dog to the wedding! Fortunately, my husband's mom informed her that the dog was not invited, and it all worked out."
-- Lindsey, Huntington, NY

"My friend showed up to our adults-only reception with her boyfriend, as well as her 2-year-old son. The child screamed throughout the entire ceremony -- my own mother had to take him from the room, and my friend actually stayed to watch the ceremony! He was a terror at the reception, and eventually she decided to leave, telling us that the child was tired and that his dinner should be packaged to go, and he would like a slice of cake as well (we hadn't even cut it yet)."
-- Mary, Virginia Beach, VA

Truly Thoughtless Guests
"I was at a wedding(buy flora gown) where the bride was a larger girl and one of the guests requested the 'Baby Got Back' song as a joke. The worst part is that the DJ said 'This goes out to the bride as a special request.'"
-- Vivian, Fort Worth, TX

"I was at a wedding where the father of the bride yelled, 'Give her the tongue!' in the church after the priest announced, 'You may now kiss the bride.'"
-- Jessica, Peoria, IL

"I recently got married, and my husband's aunt came up to me while I was waiting for the ceremony to start, and asked what my name was! We'd been dating over a year and I see her at all the family events."
-- Katelyn, Sioux Fall, SD

"As the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding, I had a relative give me a $5 bill during the traditional 'dollar dance' and ask for change."
-- Allison, San Francisco, CA

Drunk and (Really) Disorderly
'Aside from the two women who thought it would be fun to dance on the tables, one guest brought a bottle of tequila wrapped in a brown paper bag into the reception. I can still see them laughing like buffoons and swilling booze from a crumpled bag.'
-- Deborah, Seattle, WA

"My aunt was the bartender at my sister's wedding and got my 14-year-old old brother drunk. He started stripping on the dance floor and telling my brother-in-law's family members how he really felt about them. It was a nightmare!"
-- Janet, Little Rock, AR

Rowdy Receptions
"I was at a wedding where the bride and groom were avid ultimate frisbee players. As a cute favor, they gave monogrammed mini frisbees to all the guests. Some of the college guys began throwing the them back and forth across the dance floor. One even jumped up, caught it, and spiked it on the floor!"
-- Rebecca, Tucson, AZ

"We placed wedding cameras on every table. After we got back from the honeymoon we were looking through the pictures when we came across one of our male guests exposing himself. We were so mortified!"
-- Heather, Durango, CO

Terrifying Toasts
"When the father of the bride was giving his speech, the bride's in-laws were all chatting and laughing. The mother of the bride had had way too much to drink, got a hold of the microphone, and told off the groom's entire family, saying they were all going to hell! She then turned to the groom and told him that she hoped they would divorce soon because he's the worst human being she'd ever met. The couple is still married almost 20 years later, but they do not celebrate their anniversary."
-- Jennie, Pittsburgh, PA

"I once attended a wedding where the best man gave his toast, went through the usual wishes of good luck and a happy marriage, and then let it slip that the bride was pregnant. This came as a shock to her parents, who had not been informed yet."
-- Erin, Albany, NY

Wedding Gifts: Giving a Gift They Really Want

Check Their Registry
Good news for gift-givers: You can be totally sure the couple will love your present if you buy them something they picked out themselves. Most couples register at a few different stores for items in a wide range of prices. Registries are also super-convenient for the shopper -- many stores let you buy the gift online and ship directly to the couple.
Knot Note: If you're buying online, remember to factor in the price of shipping to the final cost.
How do you know where they've registered? A couple's registry info is usually listed on their wedding website or bridal shower invitations. You could also try The Knot's registry locator, or call the couple's parents or bridal party members. As a last resort, you could ask the couple directly. If you go to the store, bring a printed copy of the couple's online registry (though you might not need it, since many places have in-store computers that allow you to print out the couple's wish list). After you buy the gift, make sure the cashier takes the item off their registry list when you checkout, to avoid duplicate gifts.

Buying Off-Registry
Be careful! You may be certain that the crystal bowl on display at that cute boutique will match perfectly with their crystal wine glasses, but ten other guests might have the same idea. The couple could be left with hundreds of dollars of credit at an obscure store, or even worse, ten matching crystal bowls! Take a look at their registry and familiarize yourself with their style. The bride may have adored everything pink during her college years, but if she plans to decorate their place with bold reds and greens after the wedding, you run the risk of buying something that won't fit in, no matter how cute it is on the shelf. If you do decide to choose your own gift, make sure to include all store information (a business card should work) and a gift receipt in the package.

Help With Their Honeymoon
Is the couple planning a trip to Paris? Treat them to dinner at a famous restaurant, such as Altitude 95 in the Eiffel Tower. If they're visiting a place you're familiar with, give them a gift certificate to a local attraction or store that you loved, or traveler's checks and a note with an insider tip for a dish they have to try, like the fantastic risotto at a tiny bistro in Florence.

Indulge Their Interests
While kitchen gadgets, bathroom towels, and bedroom linens are staples on any registry, they might seem a little impersonal. If you're close to the bride and groom and see that many of their big-ticket registry items have been purchased, consider a gift tailored to their personalities. If the couple is avid skiers, buy them a weekend at a favorite ski lodge, or a gift certificate to a local ski shop. If hiking is their hobby, put together a package of goodies (like trail mix and a portable GPS device) to use on their next trip to a national park.

If All Else Fails . . .
There's nothing wrong with a cash gift. There's no hard-and-fast rule for the amount to give, but here's a good way to figure out how much to spend. If you're going to give cash, think of a cute way to deliver the dough -- if the money is for their honeymoon, include a luggage tag with the gift, and if they're about to make a down payment on a new home, give them a card that's shaped like a key. The couple is sure to be thankful, and you'll be known as a great gift-giving guest!

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Wedding Gifts: 5 Rules of Wedding Gift Giving

At every wedding you attend as a wedding guest, you're inevitably faced with the age-old question: What should you give?
To find the answer, we partnered with a leading gift registry (Kohl's Bridal Aisle) and polled a whopping 15,000 brides and newly married gals to find out what they really wanted wrapped in that pretty white paper. The result? Our top five rules for giving wedding gifts they're guaranteed to love.

Buy From Their Registry
Don't get too creative: Nearly 85% of brides want you to select a wedding gift from their wedding registry list, and 98% have at least one registry list, either in a store or on the web.
Look online to see where the couple is registered: 4 in 10 couples have a wedding website that links to their online registry. Many retailers make shopping more convenient by allowing guests to access registries online, or you can just head to the store to purchase in person. The couple set up the registry for a reason, and if you stick to it, you can't possibly buy a gift they won't like!

Kitchen, Entertaining, Bed, and Bath Gifts a Must
Unlike years past, today's couples want modern twists on the traditional wedding gifts, even though some of the most coveted gifts still hail from the kitchen, dinning, bedding, and bath departments.
For deluxe bedding and bath, give them gifts that'll create a spa-like, hotel environment every morning when they wake up. Think about buying them a trio of gifts to create a theme: What about a set of super-soft pillows, a thick down blanket, and a pair of high thread-count hotel towels?
In terms of entertaining, everyday affairs are big for brides, so consider giving a set dishes and stainless flatware that can multitask -- and either be dressed up for dinner with the boss or dressed down for a backyard barbecue.
It seems everyone wants to be a gourmand these days, and many couples use their wedding as an excuse to upgrade their kitchen with top-notch appliances. Give state-of-the-art kitchen gear, gadgets, and cookware that look as good on the counter as they do when in use.

Don't Spend Less Than $50
It's a bad idea to use the price-per-plate as a measure for how much you should spend on the wedding gift -- you wouldn't give your best friend a less expensive gift just because she was having a more casual affair. Spend what you think is appropriate to your relationship to the couple, and also consider what's reasonable in your city. Here's the ballpark you should be aiming for:
Coworker and/or a distant family friend or relative: $50-$75
Relative or friend: $75-$100
Close relative or close friend: $100-$150+

Give a Big Group Gift
Married couples who took our survey said that their favorite gifts were big-ticket items purchased by a group of their friends, and that makes sense: They would most likely never be able to afford those luxuries on their own. If the couple has registered for an item that's out of range for just one person to afford, ask some other guests to chip in with you. It's also a great idea for the bridal party to band together and buy the couple the item of their dreams.

Buy it Within Two Months
Two out of three newlywed couples polled told us they still haven't received all of their wedding gifts, which left us wondering -- what ever happened to the longstanding one-year rule? With the convenience of online buying and shipping, there's little excuse for such a delay -- try to send your gift within two months of the wedding. And though you're excited for them to see it, don't bring it to the wedding -- they won't want to lug it around, and it could get damaged during the night. Having it shipped straight to them will make things easier for everyone!